Ian's Wanderer
by Miki Mae
Summary: Wanda wakes to her old life in her new body. Is Ian still her love? Will the seekers find them? Everyone's keeping secrets, how will Wanda react to almost loosing everything? Rated T for future reference.
1. Chapter 1

**I just finished reading_ The Host_ for what seems to be the millionth time, I cannot express how much I love it. Although I could not possibly make this story any better, I have the insane urge to write about it! I'm not sure how long this will be or where it's going to go, but for now read and review! I appreciate fellow fanfictioners' opinions...**

**For anyone who is following _Broken_, I am terribly sorry I haven't updated! I will as soon as I can!**

**Disclaimer: these characters don't belong to me, Stephanie Meyer is the creator of it all!**

I cocked my head to the side, the world was interesting from this perspective, especially from Pet's eyes. _My eyes_, I thought hastily.

Jared seemed to be standing against the rock face, Melanie crawled up it like an insect while Jamie watched her do so. Yes, interesting perspective...

"Wanda, pass me the-" Jeb's voice trailed off and I turned my head to look at him, straightening as I did so.

He wasn't looking at me, but seemed to be staring into the distance. Were the clouds visible behind me? Following his gaze and I found myself squinting against the rising sun. A brilliant splash of red covered the sky, silver strings outlining the fluffy clouds.

I felt sick.

It was surely a wonderful sight, to see the sun peaking from behind miles of empty sand, but it looked like a massacre to me. I was all too aware of my memories from Melanie's body, how could I forget something so horrid? They surfaced again, rising into my mind with a frightening clarity.

There was no way that I could say the images didn't bother me, of course they did. Only I knew that the anger and betrayal I felt upon their resurfacing was irrational.

I wanted to cower away from the emotions, shove them into a hole and bury them, so deep that nothing would ever find them. Yet there was one thing about the mind Pet had trained to work in a certain way that prevented me from shoveling dirt over my thoughts – there was a glitch. Where Melanie's mind and body had been strong, Pet was weak: she loafed over the painful, immersed herself in the emotions until she was drowning.

Melanie would never allow her body to feel this level of weakness and from what I recalled from her memories she had never allowed her teenage mind to do so either. Her strength had outweighed any callous grip of anguish.

Anger was what fueled Melanie when things became difficult, anger and love. Yet, unlike Melanie, the mind Pet had left was teeming in small sorrows that could break my fragile heart; somehow the joy buried there was enough to make me fly.

It was a crazy spiral of emotions and sensation inside of this body, I could not tell whether I should believe the feelings or disregard them.

Jeb cleared his throat, calling back my attention, and flashed a row of teeth, "Wanda, mind passing that bag?"

Monster? No, I don't see how I could ever regard him as a monster, not him or Jared, Jamie, Melanie... Ian. I felt my heart swell as I handed the small rucksack to Jeb, it was light, possibly empty.

"Where's Ian?" I questioned, going onto my toes so I could whisper my words to Jeb, despite the innocence question my cheeks warmed and I bit my lip.

Once again Jeb showered me in one of his special 'I know everything' grins, it served the purpose of inflaming my face, turning everything from the roots of my hair to the nails on my toes red. Then, for some insane reason, he shrugged and turned his back to me, leaving me to stew over the slight shift of his shoulders and the haughty chuckle that followed.

What was he hiding from me?

Cautious, I flattened my feet, shrinking once again to a size well below Jeb's six feet. I could hardly care less for my height, except for when Ian's lips looked kissable and I could not reach them. So why then did my shortness suddenly send a spiral of dread through my stomach?

I peeked around Jeb's shoulder, he was attaching something to the roof of the vehicle and seemed to be taking great care with it.

My knees bent and I shoved myself into the air, straining my neck to see, it was hopeless. Golden curls flew in every direction, blinding me. My head remained well below the required height for me to gain a glimpse of whatever Jeb was so attentive to. A sigh of defeat split my lips after my third failed attempt and I tried to glare at the large male before me, that too was useless.

"What are you doing?" Jamie asked, his sudden question made me squeak and his face contorted with laughter.

"Nothing," I lied, my cheeks heating again. He was getting taller, he would leave me in the dust at this rate. "Are you ready?"

Jamie's face lit up, his lips stretching wide, his eyes dancing in excitement. "Yeah, I can't wait, this is going to be epic,"

The mini-raid was going to be epic? A frown threatened to tug at my lips, but a grin won out. Jamie's joy was infectious, his light-hearted way more than any burden my mind may push on me. Just by being around him it felt like I had never been through a second of anguish or worry.

In truth, the raid _could_ be pleasant, we were only going to grab some extra clothes for the new humans in the cave and perhaps snatch some snacks for the welcoming party Jeb insisted on throwing for the newest members.

"We must get some apples," I reminded Jamie suddenly, this body had the strange urge to eat them with peanut butter and I had heard Maggie expressing to Sharon that she missed the fruit. If I was lucky the treat would make the woman smile, she hasn't been very open with those lately.

"Apples?" Jamie frowned, then shrugged and resumed his grinning, "Sure, we're throwing a party tonight, I don't see why we can't." He looked over his shoulder then glanced back at me sheepishly, "I'll tell Jared," with that he bounded off, his feet scuffing up small clouds of red dust.

The tiny particles danced in the air, catching the last colourful rays of morning sunlight. For a moment a rainbow of yellows, oranges and reds twirled over the ground before residing as losing its colour as the sun fully emerged.

Even though the bright fire-ball had just come out of hiding, I could already feel the heat building, like a wave of tense energy rolling over the desert. It was cooler in the caves and my inexperienced body instantly felt tired from the heavy warmth.

I pushed golden wisps from my face, caught the mass of curls in a hand and held it away from my neck. My hair was light and soft, but it was also a curtain to trap heat and for some strange reason Melanie glared at me every time I tried to tie it up.

I glanced at my earlier body, she was wrapped up in Jared, clinging to his words and eyes hungrily devouring his face. I could remember that feeling, the scorching need to be around Jared, as if he were the very air I breathed. Funny how it felt so far away now.

Did a part of me miss it?

It was good to see them like this, for some time Melanie and Jared had fought, I was not sure of what but the coldness that had replaced their heat was enough to make my eyes fill.

So no, I was sure that with Ian at my side and Melanie at Jared's I would never need that heat. The heat belonged to that couple, as much as my being belonged to Ian.

Again I searched for my blue-eyed love, where was he? Jeb's shrug had been meaningless, his chuckle had given away that he knew. Why hadn't he told me? I would search for Ian on my own, I wanted to have a few moments alone with him before we left.

I turned my eyes from the embracing Melanie and Jared, the laughing Jamie and Jeb.

Urgency claimed hold of me, it seemed very important that I find Ian. My body, buzzed with latent energy and I skipped off towards the dark cave, because skipping was the closest to running my body could manage.

**Thanks for reading :3**

**What do you think they're hiding from Wanda? Please review, creative answers are _more_ than welcome!**

**3 Miki**


	2. Chapter 2

**Nom nom... Just a fluff filler :) with a bit of foreshadowing. But it made me smile to write it.**

I couldn't keep the grin from my mouth, cuddled into Ian's side like a kitten I was probably the happiest soul alive. I couldn't imagine not hearing his heart beat under my ear, nor could I image never feeling his arms wrapped around my shoulders.

He was probably unaware of how consumed I was in him, he was chatting with Jared, something about cars that I didn't care to hear. Melanie was singing off tune to the music blasting from the speakers and Jamie was fixed on the view out the window. I was alone in my fixation, my dire need to hold Ian intensified as every meter brought us closer to civilization and the seekers.

How had I ever let him out without me? The idea that he would ever come face-to-face with a seeker made my stomach churn, the blood drain from my face. I knew he would fight for his life and if that didn't work he would make sure the seekers couldn't take his body breathing.

Tears suddenly pierced my eyes and I pressed my face further into his side, breathing in his scent, needing to feel his warmth.

Ian dead? My world would cease. The massacre of souls that I had seen so long ago would be nothing to this pain, the emptiness. The universe without Ian was simply a useless utilisation of space.

My fingers curled into his shirt and I closed my eyes, willing the tears to disappear. He was alive and well, but my body was sensitive and pressed the worry further. I sniffed, rubbing my cheek against his chest, allowing the fabric to soak up the escaped salty drops.

"Hey now, what's wrong?"

I blinked my eyes open, Jared was frowning down at me and Ian's precious face creased with worry. My cheeks heated, had they heard my snivelling? Embarrassment tainted my emotions and I tried to hide my face in Ian's side.

Don't look at me!

"Wanda?" Jamie too?

I forced myself to show my face, all three men were looking at me as if I'd grown another head and it had fangs. Heat raised in my face, burnt my neck, my eyes shifted down of their own accord the shyness like a heat wave pushing me down. I sank lower, cowering under Ian's arm.

"Something wrong?" Mel was asking, the car slowed considerably. Were we stopping? Because of me?

My head snapped up and I found Mel's eyes in the rear view mirror, concern and curiosity clear. "I-I'm okay," My eyes roamed the small gathering, meeting each gaze, flushing bright red by the time I was captured by the intense blue that was unique to Ian. "Really," the word came out as a squeak, why did my throat close when I looked into those blue orbs? I couldn't look away though, Ian held my regard hostage, all I could do was stare at him.

For a moment it was silent, but Mel had the good idea to start singing again, which broke the stillness as the car regained speed over the dusty plain. It wasn't moments later before Jared and Jamie were jabbering away.

It was just Ian and me, alone in our little corner of the car, surrounded by an invisible wall that shut us away from the rest.

His brilliant eyes scanned my face, searching for what, I'm not sure. This body responded in the only way it ever did, my fingers skittered, my stomach rolled and I turned to lava under his scrutiny. I had seen a similar light in his eyes before, Pet's mind was inexperienced with the ways of love but my memories and Mel's were enough to give away the wish that hid beneath the worry.

"You sure?"

Sure...sure about what? I blinked, my mind was a symphony of gooey thoughts, the tingling sensation on my lips reminding me of the gentle kisses Ian had stolen from it.

What was he asking me? Pet's body burned, completely on its own trail of reviewing kisses. "Sure?" I choked past the tightness of my throat.

"You were crying," Ian muttered and his hand came up to stroke my cheek and neck, it was near impossible to think under such sensation and my eyes fluttered closed, my head leaning into his palm. A low chuckle sounded and one eye lid lifted, he was grinning down at me, a slight mar of satisfaction burning in the bluest depths.

Had I been? I tried to sort through the sappy mush that my mind had turned into. Yes... For a moment my eyes widened, the sensations flooding back, fear wrestling with happiness.

"What was it?" His thumb stroked over my bottom lip and the fear instantly retreated, overpowered by sweet bliss.

"I don't want to lose you," the words tumbled out, no time for processing or editing. I looked like a tomato, surely.

A frown appeared between Ian's brows and he continued to stroke my skin, my lips, my hair. Suddenly it wasn't enough, his face lowered and his lips pressed to my nose, "Why would you lose me?"

The grey matter in Pet's head wasn't functioning, every nerve ending focused solely on Ian's gentle caress of my cheeks. "Seekers," I managed to mumble, only half focused on the task of speaking. At some point my eyes had closed again.

"Hmmm," he tucked my head under his chin and rubbed circles over my back, "No problem,"

That felt nice... Wait, what? "Ah, I can't lose you,"

The vibration of his chest when he chuckled reverberated under my cheek, it was right. This was how it should always be. "You won't lose me, ever,"

My lips twitched into a smile, I really hoped so. This was my first raid in my new body and I was scared it wouldn't be able to protect him, it wasn't as fast as Melanie or as strong. I was near useless in a confrontation. "I trust you,"

His arms tightened around me and I sighed, I wanted to stay here forever, but the car slowed again and halted, the familiar click of the doors unlocking sounded and Ian was moving away from me.

**Dum dum! Please R&R!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ahh, sorry, I've got some writers block and have no idea how to write my thoughts down on paper at the moment... I'm posting this with the idea that maybe somehow I can update again soon. **

**If my next update is late, I apologise, it isn't my intention to keep you hanging, Wanda's simply making this hard for me...**

**Maybe some R&R will help me. So please, humour me?**

I found it difficult to see over the steering wheel, my body was shorter than I was used to and I had to strain my neck to see. The wheel was thick and warm beneath my hands, the sun beating down through the wind-shield left my hands slightly clammy and I had to grip the wheel tightly in order prevent the object from slipping from my control.

"Relax," Ian muttered from beside me, he rested a hand on my shoulder and stroked the muscle gently. "You're too tense,"

My cheeks warmed, as if the weather was not cruel enough my body was cursed with hot flushes every time Ian spoke. My muscles would not ease up, nor would my teeth unclench.

"I can drive, Wanda," he muttered, straightening from his reclining position.

"No," I gasped, I would not admit defeat so soon, we were nearing the shops now. I snatched a glance over at Ian, he looked golden under the sunlight, it was a pity I could not see his wondrous eyes behind those sunglasses.

If he were to drive the chances of their being caught would heighten. I learnt the hard way that humans did not hold the same need to follow speed limits as the souls did, it made them obvious. The Seekers would be on us like flies if we moved over the limit.

He sighed and turned his head to the window, I looked back at the road fighting the need to squint.

There it is...

The car slowed and we were pulling into a parking space. The road store was almost lifeless, the souls would keep to silent Sundays, something I was aware the humans did not. The odd traveller would be on the road, and so there was the road side store waiting for them to pass.

Gravel crunched beneath the tires and the car purred before falling silent, but as soon as the key turned in the ignition the people in the van burst to life. Energy and excitement buzzed, movement everywhere.

"Alright," Jared leaned forward between Ian and myself, "We'll go in the back, grab some boxes, Ian I'm trusting you to protect Wanda as she goes into the front."

Ian snorted and I looked at him questioningly, but with his face turned away and the sunglasses the only thing visible in the side mirror, I could not be sure what he was thinking.

"We have to get this done in ten minutes," Jared ran a hand through his hair, I reached out a hand and patted the wayward strands back into place. His lips twitched but he didn't say anything, "Once we have all the goods, I'll join you two and we'll nab the leech."

I cringed, why did he insist on calling us that?

"Let's go," Melanie called and threw open her door, she, Jamie and Jared were out and gone before I could get in a word.

I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. "Ian?"

"Yeah?" he was reaching for the door handle, but paused.

How do I say this? I shook my head and opened my door, "Nothing, it's nothing,"

"Okay," Normally he would have chuckled and asked me what was wrong but his reaction wasn't normal, he opened his door and climbed out, not glancing back at me.

I shut my door and moved around the front of the car to catch up with him, his legs were too long for me to stay at his side. Slowly, I fell a few steps back, trailing him awkwardly.

What was wrong? I stumbled a bit and picked up my pace. It was no more than an hour ago that he was playing with my fingers, smiling at me sweetly, what had changed?

I staggered into the store behind Ian an instantly felt the hair on my neck rise. "I-Ian..."

He turned and I almost ran into him, "What is it?"

"Something is not..." The air vanished from my throat and my lips moved silently, my brain was working too hard to understand what I could see behind Ian. My jaw dropped, my eyes widening, my hands shook as they flew up to grab Ian's arm, "We have to go."

"What?" He began to turn and I knew before he did so, that he would tense, that him would grab me and carry me out in two swift steps.

My teeth rattled and I clung to his side, back under the baking sun it seemed impossible that the scene was real. Ian marched over to the car and all but threw me in. He turned and began to run in the direction Mel had gone. I stared after silently, still struggling to process what we had seen.

**Short. I get it. I suck. I want to cry at how difficult it was to write this piece. **

**School is ruining my brain! Math isn't helping! I need some creative inspiration!**

**Any good fanfics you can direct me to? I need to get out this rut and the only thing I can think of is asking for creative support...**

***_* I believe in you, reader, make me proud! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you everyone for the support and ideas! The follows and reviews make me so happy!**

**After reading your comments I was inspired to write again and overcame my writer's block (for now)! I dedicate this chapter to you! **

**Read on my lovelies!**

A sea of red, like the gaping jaws of a carnivore lay before me, well in front of my mind's eye. Alone, so alone...

Ian had rushed to fetch Mel, Jared and Jamie, that had been more than five minutes ago. I was by myself, face pressed to the cool window of the car and knees drawn to my chest.

I needed to go find him, but Pet's body wouldn't move. Was it defective? I couldn't seem to find anything wrong except for the rapid beat of my heart.

A harsh sigh peeled past my lips, fogging up the glass in a white haze, I pulled my face back and waited for the spot to disappear. What if something was wrong? My eyes flickered in the direction I had last seen Ian.

Red, like blood, like roses, like the sun streaking across the sky, it wasn't the red that had frightened me, it was what had been waiting within. Beyond the chaos of hearts and scattered boxes had been a lone soul, curled up on the floor, his host with empty, sagging eyes.

Bile rose in my throat and I pressed the back of my hand over it; horrifying and mournful, nothing like the massacre of children in the cave, but still terrible.

Why? How? A part of me demanded, as unconsciously my fingers found the latch and threw the door open.

Instead of heading around the back as I should have done, my feet led me back toward the shop. The poor soul had to be covered, his eyes closed. No one else would think to do so, not the humans.

I simply wished silently that Ian was alright, he was strong and with Jared and Mel at his side they could easily overpower a small group of seekers.

But this was something I had to do.

Before long I was swinging open the door to the shop, the bell above it clanked and for a moment I froze, I did not recall hearing it the first time.

Still the unmoving body lay, surrounded by crimson streamers. He must have been decorating, my mind rationalized as I neared him, there was a ladder lying on its side close by, abandoned among the piles of red.

Air sighed through my lips, they were trembling as I lowered to my knees before the man, pushing away discarded confetti. Somehow my fingers were on his face, shakily trying to pull his lids over his eyes. His skin was cool and stiff beneath my fingers, it reminded me of holding Walt's hand while he died. Tears pricked the corner of my eyes and I sniffed, my hand gently moving back and forth over the cold cheek, attempting to give the dead man some warmth.

Why? I wanted to cry, only mourning was to be done in silence. I lowered my head and allowed the tears to drip onto the floor. Why had the soul killed itself? Had it been threatened? Why would it shred through it's host's brain without provocation?

A hand moved to scrub at my face, smearing salty liquid over my cheek and jaw, I sniffelled and wiped my hand on my pants.

The bell tinkled and I lifted my head, turned to look at the door, Ian's name frozen on my lips.

"Oh," I muttered and wiped at my face again, it wasn't Ian. Another soul, simply needing to stop for a snack, the man's face was in shadows, the light shining into the shop from behind him, a pair of sunglasses propped atop his head. I pushed to my feet, my body swayed and I grabbed hold of a shelf to steady myself. Standing I could see how tall the man was, taller than Ian, a mountain of muscle and tanned flesh. "He..." I sniffed back more tears and scrubbed at my face, pale wisps of air clung to my damp cheeks.

"Is he gone?" The man asked, stepped closer, his voice deep and husky, the voice of a man who usually spoke loud, but he was whispering.

I extended my hand to the man, it seemed so pale and small compared to the one he took mine with. "Yes, I'm not sure how... or why,"

The man nodded and kneeled by the man, pulling me down with him. "May God rest and keep you, your spirit be in a better place, your..._soul_ never weary."

My brows furrowed as he hissed the word, I had head the humans in the cave pray before, but never had it come across so harsh. Fresh tears pricked my eyes and I forced a smile, disappointed in myself for doubting a fellow soul.

I reached out my free hand and patted the store clerk's cheek. Turning my face to the man beside me, I had no clue what I had planned to say, but my mind went decidedly blank as my eyes met his.

Emotionless, dark, black eyes, no silver ring or sorrow, a human.

Air hissed through my teeth as I fell back, tugging vainly at my hand, held firmly in his. His fingers tightened and he stood, dragging me up.

"No, please..." I whispered, my eyes wide on the firm set of his mouth. Was he the one who had caused the clerk to kill himself? Pain and shame flooded through me, it was wrong to think like that, the humans weren't as bad as I once believed. My lips formed soundless words and I shook my head, my pale hair flying and slapping at my neck and cheeks. "I'm...I..."

The man's eyes seemed to soften and I felt relief wash away the fear. "I'm sorry," he muttered.

I sighed and began to smile, but his hand came up pressing a white cloth over my mouth, "Huh?" I muttered a muffled sound of surprise, my eyes latching onto those of the man. "What are you doing?" I attempted to ask, it came out a grumble.

"I'm sorry," he said again as the world started to blur, my feet slipped from under me.

**Um, so, I'm sorry. I have no clue how it ended up like this... When I began writing this story it was going to be fluff and cuteness all the way, somehow it turned into this. But just you wait, soon things might be back on track, I hope. **

**Unfortunately I don't control the story, so if things get bad blame it on Wanda... she is my master.**

**Anyway, I'm sorry if it seems a tad forced, I tried to make it flow, but this chapter is simply many shades of strange. I promise the next will be better! **

**Until later, g'bye, hope you enjoyed the cliffie!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi, my Lovies. I know it has been a loooong time and I'm truly **_**extremely **_**sorry for that! **

**Sadly I cannot seem to force myself to write long chapters… I wish I could so I could be all like "You have no reason to complain!" but I like my short chapters – I'm sure it has something to do with structural effects (some poetry mumbo-jumbo).**

**Whatever! Read on, I think this story is finally back on track :)**

Bright…why is it so bright? I blinked rapidly and turned my head to the side; squeezing my eyes shut as a headache rushed behind silver ringed eyes. Was I in Doc's lab? Had I fallen asleep there by accident again? I could smell the faint hints of No Sleep in the air, but surely Ian would have taken me back to the room.

He was dependable like that; every time my eyes drooped I'd be flying. No matter which prying gaze was there to see.

"Ian?" my throat felt dry, the syllables came out harsh and strained. Only the rattle of metallic instruments broke the silence. "Doc…"

It felt like the cave's makeshift hospital room, the air was cool; only there was way too much light. The lab was bright from the reflectors in the ceiling and at best, in the afternoon the sinking sun would seep through and brighten the place. Even in the afternoon the small hovel wasn't _this_ bright.

It wasn't right.

I experimentally lick my lips, attempting to ward off the dryness, it's pointless. "Doc," I croaked my eyes fluttered and squinted, well aware of the dancing reflection of my silvery gaze along the roof.

Wait…roof? That can't be right, I move my arm but it stays at my side, heavy and useless. Huh? It shouldn't look like this; the cave is dark and despite the smell of cleaning implements I should have been able smell the stale mustiness that clung to the thick air. I didn't, smell it that is.

This was a real _roof _over my head, not stone or reflectors. This was plaster and light bulb, something that seemed foreign to me and yet so homely to the mind Pet had left.

Lips trembled in surfacing worry when neither arms nor legs moved on demand. Was this a nightmare? Or worse yet – was I in a real hospital? Have my brethren found me, knowing that I have betrayed their secrets? They'll send me away! To a planet too far away, when my Jamie didn't exist; where my precious Ian could never hold me again.

Fear crawled up my throat like a thick hard button, choking me, forcing me to gasp for air. Frantically my head thrashed from side to side, the world spun, a dizzying blur of white and black.

But finally…a face. At first hope froze my lips, I forced them to my bidding as my silver eyes lightened on the dark head of hair. "Ian!" I cried, louder despite the rasping resonance.

Ianianianian…

The dark head raised, I waited for those endless blue depths to lighten on me, to shine with kindness as they always did. My weak heart galloped wildly as I blinked to fight off the white haze over my sight.

"Ian," the name slipped past my lips again and again, each dipping softer as his face came into view. It would not stop until the whispered syllables were drawn from my tongue in a pathetic sob.

For, to my relief and horror, brown eyes scanned my face in mild disgust.

**I promise, I will let you know all the secrets I've kept from you in the next chapter! Like the surprise Ian had planned et cetera…**

**If you have a moment or thought to spare please review. **


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